Greetings all-
Today, I had plans for a 2-fold adventure at the local library. Don’t worry, that plan is still in the works. More on that later. Today, instead, I rocked through the longest day of massage I have ever had.
Before beginning the day, I arose here at home, did an online lesson to learn more about money, and then went to volunteer my massage skillz for the 24 hour fitness team for the MS150 bicycle race. I felt intimidated by the whole ordeal. I had not met any of the other therapists, nor anyone on the team. I just responded to an ad out of craigslist and thought I might make a few tips.
For the first hour or so, I felt nervous and inept. There were a few other therapists there who had done massage for over the past 10 years, some even more than that.
This time, instead of hiding inside myself and thinking, “oh, they’re better than me, I better act cool and not mention how little time I have practiced as a therapist,” I asked the more experienced therapists for some hints. An awesome sports massage therapist, Kevin, showed me some stretches that worked wonders. I applied the new knowledge right away, to the wonder and astonishment of my first client.
After that, I had a steady stream of clients, in a well-decorated tiki-style tent in a parking lot, with the wind and air just cool enough to keep me from breaking a sweat.
What a blast! Toward the end of the day, I realized that I had made a decent bit of money, and that my clients had all given positive feedback. Looking back, I remember a voice in my head earlier this morning. It tried to tell me that I would not do a good job, and that I had no business doing massage therapy. The demon of self-doubt made an attempt to convince me that I had no skills at all. Had I listened to it, I would have left, and never made loads of connections, never made all those tips, never helped a bunch of folks out, and never learned a few awesome new techniques.
I have presented you with a KEY. Can you find it?
For a few moments today, I felt like leaving and crawling into my shell. I did not do that. Instead, I pushed through it, even though it did not feel right. Then, I learned a lot.
Nothing changes unless the structure of the brain changes. The structure of the brain does not change without effort.
Enjoy.
Today rocked my fucking world!’
Love, Wildness, Joy,,,
-GTD
GTD,
I want to commend you on your blog; more on that soon.
First, to share this story with you of my day which echoes your entry:
This morning I awoke to find my throat virus had worsened. After a repeat of the ‘accidental’ event that allowed this dormant virus to rise-up against my me-ocracy, and a night of partying, I felt like shit. I also had only one bus to catch to get to my gig.
That FUCKing voice told me the same thing. ‘Forget about it. You can hardly sing in perfect shape; you think you can do this?’ It always speaks to me as though it’s not me even though it’s in me…interesting.
I got out of bed, caught the bus, played the shit out of a shitty gig, conjured up love in a room full of greed and lust and friends came forth from the fray. JOYOUS Day!
I ate and drank with one of these friends and the whiskey we shared together annihilated that fucking virus. It also conjured up another voice…you can read more about that here: http://nowherelove.blogspot.com
G!
I greatly admire how you put into practice the very skill you make available here and here: http://escapeplans.org/
You clearly aspire to your highest ideals and your recurring invitations to us all feels, to me, like a breath of fresh air. Of course that fresh air is also coming through bloody nostrils while waking up in a pool of shit, piss, mud, blood and vomit. But awaken we shall and rise up from this mess. To Infinity, and Beyond! and discomfort be damned!
Realistically Demanding the Impossible since When,
j