Click on that link above and check out a little scene from I Heart Huckabees.
Have you watched the short little video yet? Ok, I will assume that you have.
Today, I lost some time. Perhaps an alien took me up into its ship for some illicit experimentation…I do not know. This morning, the alarm went off at 9am. The beautiful woman next to me decided to stay in bed a little longer, so I decided to stay in bed a little longer too. Then, I had some kind of Godzilla style dream, very exciting, where me and a small group of friends on bikes had managed to find a little cabin, safe from the monster attacks.
Once we woke up again, and had a difficult and mind-shattering discussion, the clock read 5pm. How in the hell that happened, I have no idea.
The difficulty or challenge that I will report on today has to do with uncovering ever more illusions that I have seen and now will uninstall from my life.
How can I add value to this post, and to all of my readers, and to myself, by exposing that I can see a nearly endless amount of illusions floating around in my brain, hiding behind my decision-making processes and growing more evident in all that I do?
Yes, I have seen through a lot, and yes, I have had great success in acting as a catalyst to encourage others toward more freedom, and more experimentation in life. The content and goal of this blog consist of
1. Questioning and challenging myself to enhance and expand my life in liberating and refreshing ways.
2. Sharing this process with anyone out there who desires an experimental lifestyle, anyone who has the awareness that life can be lived in perpetual beta, to borrow a phrase from a project by a life coach acquaintence of mine, and that your life will blossom to the degree that you participate in a “search for transformation that becomes a transformative search.” (I have searched, and do not recall where this quote came from. I do know it was written by a pupil of Gurdjieff’s)
3. Creating enough value with this blog and subsequent websites and projects to enable myself to wander freely, with enough financial wealth to fund all of the projects, adventures, contributions, and experiences that I wish to create in my life.
So far, I have achieved the first one, and continue to do so each day. The second goal I have just begun working toward, and a few earnest folks have wandered my way. The third, again, is still underway.
What I have put off by this explanation is something I discovered today that was quite disturbing to me. I have lived much of my life, and made much of my decisions, on the basis of how other people will perceive me. Gurdjieff called this “internal considering” and described its opposite, “external considering” as a direct observation of the actual facts of any given situation, the people involved in it, and the tendencies at play.
Imagine living your whole life in a sea of people, each of whom looks to another for validation, approval, direction, and self-worth. Each of these people is just as confused as the next, and yet, each assumes that the others have everything figured out, and that what they think is more important than what YOU think. This sea of people can go nowhere, accomplish nothing, because each of them is caught up thinking about what the other people are thinking about them. Since each person thinks only of what the other people might be thinking, no one is thinking any self-determined thoughts.
Then, one of the people climbs to the top of a mountain, looks down, and sees the beauty of the Great Sea. This one on top of the mountain vows to always live life with the view from above as a guiding principle. The person climbs down, and dives back into the sea, and soon enough, finds that the time has come to climb the mountain again, because the person has forgotten what things looked like from above.
What does all of this mean? It means that I realized today that I have gone on compromising my dreams, my wildness, my self-worth, my self-confidence, and my direction, in order to live up to some imaginary set of standards that I did not invent for myself. It is very easy to fall asleep to our own value and beauty, and then to look for someone, anyone, to give it back to us.
Yet, all anyone can do to really help is to wake us up, to shock us, to drag our ass back up to the top of the mountain and show us the sea from above. Once we have seen it, we cannot be attached to the person who helped us to see it. That person was just another climber, and a blessing that came to help for little while.
My sleep is characterized by finding amazing and beautiful people, and then putting all my self-worth into their hands. That can never be self-worth, instead, it is other-worth. Yes, it can be important toward the fulfillment of one’s goals to take into account what other people want and need. Yet, most people live their lives and base their goals on their perceived idea of what other people expect of them. This can lead only to more sleep, more slavery.
A woman whom I love very much pointed out to me just how much pain and delusion has arisen between her and I due to our mutual dependence upon each other for approval and validation, and yet, what attracted us to each other were a series of experiences in which we each learned that:
NO ONE CAN VALIDATE ANYONE ELSE.
Funny, this series of experiences makes up the best of the best of all of my experiences in this life. Sexually, mentally, physically, and emotionally, this woman and I exploded into each others’ lives and grew immediately addicted to the blissful and orgasmic fruit of our experiences of union.
Over time, we each fell asleep, over and over, to the magic of our individual liberation, confidence, and power. In fact, our illusionary and dependent actions led both of us to co-create a situation that has now revealed to both of us just exactly how programmed we have been, up to now. We have learned how defining a spontaneous expression of desire and love as a “relationship” actually scuttles the ship upon which our original bliss sailed.
It hurts to watch my illusions die, but it hurts far worse to keep living inside them and pretending everything is ok. I have lived my life in a way that places all of my value into the hands of other people. Now, it is time for that to stop.
Whoa, wait a minute, I thought I was the Great Escape Artist, out here throwing ropes to anyone who wants to wake up, to seek liberation, and to live a life of value and wonder! What the hell?
I have seen and navigated my way through many of the illusions common to life in America. I left my hometown, and redefined myself over and over. I wandered the earth with nothing for many years, seeking some kind of purpose, some kind of reason to be alive.
Here is the nature of my business and my purpose, as I understand it right this minute:
I love and enjoy seeking liberation. I enjoy seeking self-confirmation, and seeking to “understand the role of mortal human life in the great universe.” I enjoy finding gratitude every single moment of every day for the infinite blessing, mystery, and majesty of consciousness alone, upon which all other concepts depend and find their foundation. I have earned great insight and made great progress toward these goals, and I can see just how much more I have to go.
Part of my path now involves assisting others to reach the heights that I have reached. Part of my job now has to do with relieving tension (massage), creating shocks (undoing, escape plans), and providing empowering and healthy support for others to begin down the path of self-discovery. So, let me tell you all right now, I am not perfect, in fact, I am a human-animal. What I offer may help you, but you will have to do most of the work yourself. I still struggle with being human, and I still struggle with everything that any other humans struggle with. All that is different between me and anyone else is that I have found ways out, and I have seen the beauty and freedom afforded to those who persist with determination to find and live the best and most enjoyable life it is possible for a human to have.
I am here to inspire, enthuse, shock, and motivate those who suspect that there is more to life than obligation and misery. I am here to assist you in your path to discovering your own wildness, playfulness, and joy, and to encourage you to create a valuable life for yourself.
Anyone who tells you they have “The Answer” is looking for a way to control you. Anyone who tells you they are totally enlightened wants to convince you of something that is impossible. How, praytell, would you be able to identify a fully enlightened person from the perspective of not being enlightened yourself? All you can identify comes through the lenses or perceptions you are currently wearing.
We are all animals here, people!
I am here to live a joyous life, and to share some of that joy with whomever decides they would like my assistance. One of the greatest joys I have found in life is that which arises when I see individuals realize they can take creative control of their own lives. This fills me with joy and excitement, and that is why this blog, this website, and my efforts, exist.
More on all of this later. For now, just remember that you have control of your own life, at the most basic level, that of your own consciousness. Wake up, over and over, wake up. I will too. See you soon.
Look forward to a return to the Just Because Club tomorrow. I will deliver on my promise of two further experiments.
Today was a day of sleep, of discovery, of tears, and of waking up, yet again, to my own independence, and my tendency to hide from it.
The following video encapsulates the attainment of a Life Without Fear that is available to each of us:
Enjoy!
-GTD
,..] creative-deconstruction.com is other must read source of tips on this subject,..]