Apr

Mythology of Self-Control

"Self Control"

I read a fun article on yahoo news today. Since I use the yahoo email account, mine eyes get subjected to a brief list of headlines every time I log in or out to my account. Sometimes a couple of the articles pique my interest, so I take the ride and read on.

The article of the moment right now is one called, “Losing It: Why Self-Control Is Not Natural.” (Click on it to read it, it’s short.)

Why Try To Stop A Moving Locomotive?

The basic gist of the study declares that resistance to temptation, and even empathy for other people’s resistance to temptation, can wear a person down. By resisting all temptation throughout the day, one’s resistance eventually hits a breaking point. At that moment, a whole box of cookies might get eaten, a case of beer downed, a pack of smokes smoked, and an all night internet porn rampage might ensue.

A Rabbi friend of mine once told me an old Jewish lesson. The lesson is that it is a form of sin to deny yourself the joys of life. Sin, before Christianity ravaged it into a whole control system of right vs. wrong, good vs. evil, and Heaven vs. Hell, meant only, “to miss the mark.” Of course, this means that in anything new that you try, and in any attempt at growth that you make, you will be a sinner in the beginning. Perhaps “original sin” really implies that Adam and Eve made the choice to accept their potential God-hood, and had to face all the mistakes that come along with such an enormous undertaking.

As a side note, I will tell you a secret. You are not stuck between Heaven and Hell. You are actually in both of them at the same time, or neither of them at all. The apocalypse has already occurred, the good have all been raptured up. We are left here, free, to do as we choose, believe it or not.

You can find out more about this secret at the Post Apocalyptic Thief site, here.

Now some proof is out, self-control is not a natural part of our lives. It exists to keep us living among loads of other humans in relative harmony, by which I mean not killing each other.

Do You?

Here are some tools that relate:

Instead of setting up rules for your own behavior that you will likely end up breaking, try the following:

1. Just observe yourself impartially. Observe it all, your habits, patterns, tendencies, movements, and everything that you do. Watch it like you are watching your favorite show or movie. It really is the best show in town, if you know how to look. DO NOT JUDGE yourself. If you find yourself judging yourself (who are all these people?), just observe that impartially too. This will create a “Clear Observer” over time. This is very useful.

2. Notice what you are tempted by. Once you start to compile your temptations, you will be able to make better decisions about how to proceed. You may need to restructure your relationships, and remove as many rules for yourself as you can. You may also realize that a lot of the temptations aren’t so bad after all. If you get rid of invisible contracts between you and yourself, and you and other people, you will find yourself much more free to do what you wish, and you may find yourself evolving and growing in the process.

3. Emergency Toolkit: You find yourself confronted with a serious temptation. Here is a foundation you can work from to make better decisions that enhance you and your life.

Use this scale, on paper or in your head:

Enhanced 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 Diminished

Use it once to answer the question, “Will I be enhanced or diminished by giving in to this temptation?”

Next, very quickly think through all the possible “good” and “bad” ramifications of giving in. Remember to use your imagination to consider possible unknown blessings and curses that may result from the giving in. Also remember to consider whether or not you can handle giving in to the temptation without torturing yourself with shame and guilt.

Now use the meter to answer, “Will I be enhanced or diminished by the consequences of giving in to this?”

Enhanced 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 Diminished.

4. Make your decision.

This whole process should take no more than a minute or two. Sneak off the the bathroom and spend a moment like this with yourself. You will find yourself gaining in power and awareness….and perhaps even some semblance of self-control.

As you may have noticed, this process has nothing to do with ethics, morality, or prescriptions for your behavior. Instead, it frees you up to make your own decisions. Notice that I said, YOUR OWN decisions. Yes, I am yelling. I want you to hear this.

Remember that most decisions have already been made in your lower brains (pun intended) by the time your reasoning brains have a chance to analyze the situation. Think of the frontal lobes as they are now as police at the scene of a crime. They show up to reason out what has already happened. They do this under the facade of “figuring things out,” or “thinking things through.”

The tools provided above will begin to turn the tables on that situation.

Enjoy, and please do share your comments and results below this post. (to find comments, click on the post headline and scroll all the way to the bottom of the article.)

Today’s false self that died was the one who insists on ignoring temptation and pretending always to be a good little boy….

Li'l G.

another li'l g

li'l g, li'l sis, and ma.

Also, on another self-control note, I am hereby making a public apology. She: My deepest apologies for my deceptions that hurt your feelings. May honesty, authenticity, openness, and profound intimacy be ours, perpetual. Thank you for your powerful and transformative friendship and love.

Until next time my friends,

-GTD

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